Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest: Vol. 3

As G.K. Chesterton said in the year 1930, “Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.” 

Perhaps he had had a vision of the future — a future in which men and women (but mostly women) might accept nearly any nonsense were it written in a pretty font, pasted on an abstract watercolor, and pinned to a friend’s Pinterest board.

Posts in this series:

Or perhaps people have always fallen prey to treating truths like fashions that pass with the decades.

(Yeah, probably the latter.)

But truth doesn't come and go like skinny jeans — which is why it’s important, when you come across an inspirational saying on Pinterest (or read/watch just about anything, for that matter), to ask yourself, “Is this actually true, or does it just sound right in this decade and this hemisphere?” 

Having done so, I give you the third edition of Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest. (Some of it, I will grant, is not necessarily untrue, just really really stupid.)

Clearly you just need to DECIDE HARDER.


George Eliot

Unless what you might've been was an Olympic gymnast or a Disney child star — it's definitely too late for that now.


She will cut you with her metal headdress.


Just watch out for ceiling fans.


Brigham Young knows a thing or two about thoughts that came from hell.


You ... and gravity ... and time ... and the inevitability of death ... do you want me to keep going?

(I'm so encouraging.)


Nothing except for most things.


evolution

Human evolution has reached its zenith in the misandrist.


I've said it before and I'll say it again: Ladies, what makes you beautiful is a man.


Some of your best memories will be made in prison.


vision

Insanely high expectations have never disappointed anyone before!

YOU get a grand vision! And YOU get a grand vision!  E V E R Y B O D Y  GETS A GRAND VISION!!!


"Ugh, finally."


Because never again will you meet a woman with a hat for head.


"Love is patient, love is kind — but not too patient or too kind. You need to think about yourself."


Maybe it's going to launch you into something great. Or maybe it's going to launch you into the side of a deer. (Congratulations, you just killed Bambi's mom.)


And that's how I know I have multiple personality disorder.


dance with god

The Prosperity Gospel — for Teens!


Not every girl wants to be in a relationship; some just want to be in a relationship.


So get out of my room, MOM.


broad daylight

I, for one, am glad people don't make love in broad daylight.


fc50fb8384999e24896f6b1018fae864.jpg

If you think that sounds expensive, you should see my dental bills.

If you think it sounds painful, you should see me poop.


Anything you can objectify, I can objectify better! 

I Photoshopped the Sims pixels onto this woman — because 1) homegirl was naked and 2) I'm of the controversial opinion that posing naked is not empowering to women — but I left the original text in all its disturbing irony.


One comma, can ruin a sentence.


gypsy soul

She lived under a bridge and ate flowers for a living, and that was not quite as glorious, but it was the life she had chosen.


And that is why we, the jury, find the defendant GUILTY.

(I think that part is called your sin nature.)


Said the snake to the woman.


So you are a whole person, but he is a stupid ass? No, wait ... that says "studpid ass."


Bring me the #@%& Midol. 


Seriously, though, WHO WRITES THIS STUFF?

What bad advice have you read lately? Tell me in the comments.