One of the producers' favorite ways to elicit drama on The Bachelor is to send the girls on group dates, and this week we effectively got double the group date drama because, in addition to the regular group date, Juan Pabs "decided" to have a pool party.
I’m only exaggerating slightly when I say that group dates turn the women into the worst people ever. I think this is because group dates combine and exploit two of girls’ nastiest inclinations—the inclination to compare and compete with other girls and the inclination to seek validation from men.
We witnessed Kat’s parade with JP in front of the other girls at the pool party, and Clare’s teary breakdown in the bathroom, and Sharlene’s gag-worthy kiss on the soccer field sudden insistence that she and JP have crazy chemistry. (Where was that two weeks ago?) And it all just looked like selfishness and jealousy and insecurity.
And it also sort of looked like me.
Because maybe I’ve never monopolized the Bachelor at a pool party, but I have my own ways of seeking attention and affirmation when I feel insecure and insufficient.
Several seasons of watching and comparing The Bachelor and The Bachelorette—as well as 24 years of being a girl—have led me notice that, whereas a guy’s pursuit of a girl tends to bring out the best side of him, a girl’s pursuit of a guy tends to bring out the worst side of her.
I can hear a little Mr. Darcy in my head saying, “Are you so severe upon your own sex?” (Every girl has a little Mr. Darcy in her head, right?)
Well, Mr. Darcy, what I mean is that, most of the time, guys pursue us by trying to show affection, and we pursue them by trying to win affection, and the difference is both profound and painful. In other words,
Universal Truth of the Week: When a guy goes after a girl, it's all about the girl. When a girl goes after a guy, it's also all about the girl.
It's hard to watch episodes like this week's and not just see a bunch of girls hoping to be told that they are good enough. They're not trying to convince Juan Pablo that they love him; they're trying convince Juan Pablo that he loves them, and they're trying to convince themselves that he loves them. And, if I am any indication, I think all girls have done that at one point or another—or maybe even do it on a regular basis.
When my roomies and I finished this week's episode, I was like, "Y'all. Um, I think this week's UTOTW needs to be that girls are cray and we all need Jesus." And, at the risk of turning this entire blog series into one big Jesus Juke, I feel the need to assert that, yes, undoubtedly, girls are cray, and we all need Jesus, and this episode was evidence if I ever saw it.
My apologies about the fact that last week's post was generally light-hearted and this week's post was decidedly not. I hope you'll view this piece of wisdom from Chelsie as a parting consolation gift from me: