Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest: Vol. 3

As G.K. Chesterton said in the year 1930, “Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.” 

Perhaps he had had a vision of the future — a future in which men and women (but mostly women) might accept nearly any nonsense were it written in a pretty font, pasted on an abstract watercolor, and pinned to a friend’s Pinterest board.

Posts in this series:

Or perhaps people have always fallen prey to treating truths like fashions that pass with the decades.

(Yeah, probably the latter.)

But truth doesn't come and go like skinny jeans — which is why it’s important, when you come across an inspirational saying on Pinterest (or read/watch just about anything, for that matter), to ask yourself, “Is this actually true, or does it just sound right in this decade and this hemisphere?” 

Having done so, I give you the third edition of Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest. (Some of it, I will grant, is not necessarily untrue, just really really stupid.)

Clearly you just need to DECIDE HARDER.


George Eliot

Unless what you might've been was an Olympic gymnast or a Disney child star — it's definitely too late for that now.


She will cut you with her metal headdress.


Just watch out for ceiling fans.


Brigham Young knows a thing or two about thoughts that came from hell.


You ... and gravity ... and time ... and the inevitability of death ... do you want me to keep going?

(I'm so encouraging.)


Nothing except for most things.


evolution

Human evolution has reached its zenith in the misandrist.


I've said it before and I'll say it again: Ladies, what makes you beautiful is a man.


Some of your best memories will be made in prison.


vision

Insanely high expectations have never disappointed anyone before!

YOU get a grand vision! And YOU get a grand vision!  E V E R Y B O D Y  GETS A GRAND VISION!!!


"Ugh, finally."


Because never again will you meet a woman with a hat for head.


"Love is patient, love is kind — but not too patient or too kind. You need to think about yourself."


Maybe it's going to launch you into something great. Or maybe it's going to launch you into the side of a deer. (Congratulations, you just killed Bambi's mom.)


And that's how I know I have multiple personality disorder.


dance with god

The Prosperity Gospel — for Teens!


Not every girl wants to be in a relationship; some just want to be in a relationship.


So get out of my room, MOM.


broad daylight

I, for one, am glad people don't make love in broad daylight.


fc50fb8384999e24896f6b1018fae864.jpg

If you think that sounds expensive, you should see my dental bills.

If you think it sounds painful, you should see me poop.


Anything you can objectify, I can objectify better! 

I Photoshopped the Sims pixels onto this woman — because 1) homegirl was naked and 2) I'm of the controversial opinion that posing naked is not empowering to women — but I left the original text in all its disturbing irony.


One comma, can ruin a sentence.


gypsy soul

She lived under a bridge and ate flowers for a living, and that was not quite as glorious, but it was the life she had chosen.


And that is why we, the jury, find the defendant GUILTY.

(I think that part is called your sin nature.)


Said the snake to the woman.


So you are a whole person, but he is a stupid ass? No, wait ... that says "studpid ass."


Bring me the #@%& Midol. 


Seriously, though, WHO WRITES THIS STUFF?

What bad advice have you read lately? Tell me in the comments.

Under Construction

Sorry if things are wonky — especially with categories and tags. I'm working on my blog theme. P.S. Men Working is definitely my favorite construction sign.

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Spring & Summer Rewind: A Recap of My Recent Adventures

To me, one of the weirdest things (if not the weirdest thing) about adulthood is the lack of finish lines. I'm so used to measuring my life in school years — predictable cycles with beginnings, ends, and, best of all, mandated breaks along the way. Living without semesters feels disorienting to me — as though I keep lifting my wrist to check my watch and realizing I'm not wearing one. Time keeps passing, but I've lost the very measure by which I make sense of it. So I just ... keep going. Each season fades into the next, and I barely realize it until I look backward. When I look do backward on spring and summer of this year, I see seasons punctuated by lots of little trips to see friends from my high school and college and grad school days. I have cherished not just these trips themselves but also the anticipation of them. Each feels like a brief retreat from adulthood, a step back in time to a stage of life that passed too quickly.

Writing about my happenings somehow serves to make them last longer, so here’s a little overview of my adventures as of late:

1. Ohio in March

♫ In the words of T-Swift, “Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up. Don’t you ever grow up. Just stay this little.” ♪

♫ In the words of T-Swift, “Oh, darlin’, don’t you ever grow up. Don’t you ever grow up. Just stay this little.” ♪

Fittingly, the first trip of the year was with high school friends, i.e., a few of my longest-standing besties. Lindsay, Emily and her baby Lily, and I traveled up to Ohio to see Kristina and celebrate the first birthday of her baby, Jack. These children! I can’t believe how big they’re getting. (That sounds like such a grown-up thing to say.) Emily and Kristina both have new babies on the way (due in November and January, respectively), and I’m so excited to kiss those babies’ faces.

2. California in April

My California trip with my Mizzou besties Bekah and Melissa came next chronologically, but since I already covered it in detail in this post, I won’t rehash it here. That said, I mentally rehash it all the time. Every time I talk to those girls, I start daydreaming about recreating the trip next year. We’re thinking of road tripping up California to Yosemite.

3. Charlotte in May

Feels so right.
Feels so right.

Next I drove a total of 18 hours to and from Charlotte (#traffic) for roughly the same number of waking hours with my girls from Asbury, and it was more than worth it. We stayed at Lauren’s new house — which is as cute as her blog, btw — and it felt like home just to be surrounded by these girls. Our little friend group clicked as freshmen and stuck together all four years. (Which means they have seen the worst sides of me and keep me still. That is ❤.) While in Charlotte we got pedicures, ate Mexican food, went outlet shopping, and generally pretended we were still in college. Can all our children go to Asbury together?

4. Needtobreathe and Ben Rector in May

Happy birthday to me!
Happy birthday to me!

This was not a trip, but it feels worth mentioning both because it was one of the best parts of my summer and because longtime readers will remember that I have, in the past, traveled to see both Needtobreathe and Ben Rector separately, but this year THEY BOTH CAME TO ME, TO MY CITY, TOGETHER, ON MY BIRTHDAY. It was like a birthday present from the Lord. PLUS two of my dear friends (whom I love even more than NTB and BR) were also in town for the concert — HS friend Lindsay and college friend Anna, so I got to see them both and smash my face against theirs for selfies. Best birthday ever.

5. Nashville in June

Good for my heart.
Good for my heart.

Conveniently for me, Nashville is nearly equidistant between Louisville, where I live, and Atlanta, where Asbury bestie Taylor lives. This makes it the perfect place for us to meet up for the weekend, bask in each other’s presence, and marvel at all the stylish locals. This was the second year in a row that we’ve met there, and we basically tried to recreate last year’s trip — got our nails done, drank hipster coffee, browsed little boutiques, and ate at the Loveless Cafe, which serves up common grace in the form of buttermilk biscuits. I may or may not have worn a romper. (When in Rome.)

6. Indiana in July

I'm ready to go back.
I'm ready to go back.

Next I headed north again. Asbury friends and froommates Anna and Jenelle and I drove up to Indiana to surprise our friend/former small group leader/former boss, Abby, for her birthday. This trip was so good for my little heart. You know those friends you have who are a few years older than you so they can just love on you and endow you with all sorts of life wisdom? That was Abby and her husband to our friend group in college. Seeing them reminded me how crazily blessed I had been at Asbury. Plus I got to squeeze their kiddos, one of whom I hadn’t even met prior to this! Abby also taught us how to make string art, which is way, way trickier and more time-consuming than it looks. You can see her string art and other handmade artwork here.

7. Home in July

THERE ARE EIGHT BABIES IN THIS PICTURE. Four visible, four in tummies.
THERE ARE EIGHT BABIES IN THIS PICTURE. Four visible, four in tummies.

Home is only an hour away for me, but it still feels like a bit of a trip. In July I went home for a weekend at Kristina’s pool with my high school friends, including Brooke, who’s been IN KENYA, IN AFRICA, on the OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD for the past two years (and now lives in Louisville, woohoo!), and Laura, whose sweet BABY GIRL TWINS I got to meet for the first time. Look at all dem babies! I want to tell my friends both to keep these babies coming and to slow down until I catch up.

8. Columbia in August

Feels like home.
Feels like home.

Just a couple of weeks later, I headed to Columbia to see my Missouri people. There are a few things I always have to do when I go to Columbia: run on the trail (best trails in the country); go with Bekah to get Indian food from the sketchiest, most delicious Indian place ever; go to the Columbia Target; visit campus; and spend some QT with (slash absorb lots of life wisdom from) people from my old church. Check, check, check, check, and check. Another reason for this visit was to meet/vet Bekah’s new boo, and he passed my vetting.

9. Houseboat in September

Our summer tradition
Our summer tradition

The most recent trip was with my high school friends to Betsy’s granddad’s houseboat. This was our eighth houseboat weekend since senior year of high school. The houseboat is, historically, my favorite place on the planet because once you’re there, you’re there, and no one has cell service. Except this year we pretty much all ended up having cell service. Darn you, cell phone companies and your ever-expanding coverage! So I put my phone on Do Not Disturb (a setting I probably need to use more than I do) and just enjoyed a too-short time with these girls, my loves.

In the midst of all these visits with friends, I've repeatedly found myself marveling at the ongoing blessing that these friendships have been to me. I'm done with grad school and college and high school, but the best parts of these stages are not completely behind me because the relationships continue. Part of me looks longingly on the bygone years and wishes I could go back in time. And part of me knows that just having people to return to is a blessing in its own right, one for now.

Life in Louisville has been a lot harder than I anticipated. I can’t figure out if it’s this city or simply this stage of life. Maybe I’d feel this way anywhere. I just can’t imagine that I will look back longingly on these early adulthood years in the same way that I look back on earlier stages.

What I do know is that, whether or not I ever miss this stage as a whole, there will be individual people and things about it that I miss. One day I will surely miss being able to bebop around to see my people all the time. That is a temporary luxury, so I will cherish it now — even if it’s only the highlight of an otherwise rough season.

And what was I just saying about seasons? They tend to fade away before I realize it? I know this one could too, whether or not I can see the finish line.

Until then, I’ll enjoy the myriad trips this stage affords. Next stop: Atlanta with my Asbury girls in three weeks. I can't wait.