Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest: Vol. 3

As G.K. Chesterton said in the year 1930, “Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.” 

Perhaps he had had a vision of the future — a future in which men and women (but mostly women) might accept nearly any nonsense were it written in a pretty font, pasted on an abstract watercolor, and pinned to a friend’s Pinterest board.

Posts in this series:

Or perhaps people have always fallen prey to treating truths like fashions that pass with the decades.

(Yeah, probably the latter.)

But truth doesn't come and go like skinny jeans — which is why it’s important, when you come across an inspirational saying on Pinterest (or read/watch just about anything, for that matter), to ask yourself, “Is this actually true, or does it just sound right in this decade and this hemisphere?” 

Having done so, I give you the third edition of Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest. (Some of it, I will grant, is not necessarily untrue, just really really stupid.)

Clearly you just need to DECIDE HARDER.


George Eliot

Unless what you might've been was an Olympic gymnast or a Disney child star — it's definitely too late for that now.


She will cut you with her metal headdress.


Just watch out for ceiling fans.


Brigham Young knows a thing or two about thoughts that came from hell.


You ... and gravity ... and time ... and the inevitability of death ... do you want me to keep going?

(I'm so encouraging.)


Nothing except for most things.


evolution

Human evolution has reached its zenith in the misandrist.


I've said it before and I'll say it again: Ladies, what makes you beautiful is a man.


Some of your best memories will be made in prison.


vision

Insanely high expectations have never disappointed anyone before!

YOU get a grand vision! And YOU get a grand vision!  E V E R Y B O D Y  GETS A GRAND VISION!!!


"Ugh, finally."


Because never again will you meet a woman with a hat for head.


"Love is patient, love is kind — but not too patient or too kind. You need to think about yourself."


Maybe it's going to launch you into something great. Or maybe it's going to launch you into the side of a deer. (Congratulations, you just killed Bambi's mom.)


And that's how I know I have multiple personality disorder.


dance with god

The Prosperity Gospel — for Teens!


Not every girl wants to be in a relationship; some just want to be in a relationship.


So get out of my room, MOM.


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I, for one, am glad people don't make love in broad daylight.


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If you think that sounds expensive, you should see my dental bills.

If you think it sounds painful, you should see me poop.


Anything you can objectify, I can objectify better! 

I Photoshopped the Sims pixels onto this woman — because 1) homegirl was naked and 2) I'm of the controversial opinion that posing naked is not empowering to women — but I left the original text in all its disturbing irony.


One comma, can ruin a sentence.


gypsy soul

She lived under a bridge and ate flowers for a living, and that was not quite as glorious, but it was the life she had chosen.


And that is why we, the jury, find the defendant GUILTY.

(I think that part is called your sin nature.)


Said the snake to the woman.


So you are a whole person, but he is a stupid ass? No, wait ... that says "studpid ass."


Bring me the #@%& Midol. 


Seriously, though, WHO WRITES THIS STUFF?

What bad advice have you read lately? Tell me in the comments.

Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest: Vol. 2

I'm kind of offended that my first Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest blog post did not eliminate specious advice from Pinterest altogether. Seriously, do I not hold this kind of sway on the Internet yet? What I am doing wrong if people are still pinning pretty nonsense with captions like "So true"?

Does the Internet need more examples? Is that what it needs? Here you go, Internet: more examples of Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest—from the questionable to the facepalm-worthy.

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But he's totally ready to share all of your married friends.


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Nothing is more profound than something profound.


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Like whether they is concerned with subject-verb agreement.


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Beauty comes from within—except for prettiness, which comes from your face, and sexiness, which comes from your body. But, yeah, mostly from within.


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Aww, that's so sweet and romantic and not true.


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Like chest pain . . . or arm pain — two weaknesses leaving the body. Also, shortness of breath. Wait, call an ambulance: You're having a heart attack.


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I'm primarily concerned with your 100th problem, alcoholism.


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Because it never loved you to begin with. #logicalfallacy


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False. I'm writing this blog in sweatpants.


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Because you are literally never wrong. Ever.


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Imagine a man so focused on God that he's not waiting for an audible go-ahead from the sovereign of the universe to make a decision that a bit of wisdom and some good judgment should render him perfectly capable of making. Seriously somebody stop me before I get on my Christian dating soapbox.


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Stick that in your perfume and spritz it!


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"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten — the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you." – Joel 2:25


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Sometimes all it takes to do better next time is to shame yourself this time. Wait . . . no.


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. . . that escalated quickly.


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The strongest women say "Why the &@%# am I wearing shoes that hurt?" and pull out their flip-flops.


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This is only good advice if you want every kiss to be super awkward.


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This is basically the opposite of the gospel (and, obviously, not what 2 Corinthians 12:10 says).


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Ugh, friendship. Never worth the effort.


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Ugly, dumb women deserve nothing.


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FYI your inner voice is just another random opinion.


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Okay, people are literally just attaching Bible attributions to random sayings at this point.

(Someone please make a Pinspirational version of Revelation 22:18.)


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(Submitted by my friend Marilyn)

Words of wisdom from . . . a mob boss.

What bad advice have you seen on Pinterest lately? Send it my way!

Bad Advice I Read on Pinterest

I imagine the impulse I feel to repin images on Pinterest is somewhat similar to the impulse hoarders feel as they scour the curbs the night before garbage pickup. "I should probably save this," I say to myself. "I might need it someday." These soup recipes, these knitting instructions, this inspirational saying — I might need them one day! These yoga poses, these bathroom color palettes, these pictures of Ron and Hermione — what if I need them later?

Unlike hoarders, however, I'm able to recognize true garbage when I see it. Because it's there, amid the images of casual-chic outfits and perfect curls and dreamboat boyfriends: bad advice. Facepalm-worthy advice. And it's disguised as inspiration.

Let's take a look at some of the more questionable pins I've seen recently:

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Shirk your responsibilities! Live off the government! Get cancer!


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"Love is selfish. Love is proud." Wait, that's not how it goes...


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But Beyonce has way more money and way more assistants, so how is this a fair comparison?


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MOST ANNOYING BOYFRIEND EVER. Also, you spelled "boyfriend" wrong.


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This stands in stark contrast to one of my own personal adages: Don't do things that will burn your life to the ground.


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Your 30-something self will surely thank you for all the bad habits you developed and all the debt you racked up.


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Johnny Depp, beacon of wisdom!


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That'll hold up in court.


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Some style is definitely wrong. Cargo pants. Scrunchies. Cargo pants and scrunchies together.


Because love is a feeling, you guys.


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Johnny Depp is gracing us with his wisdom again.


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This isn't advice, but I did see it on Pinterest, and I had to include it. Seriously. What is happening here? Do I want to know?


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If you're going to rewrite a verse, maybe don't pick one as famous as Romans 8:28.


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Except, perhaps, that it is deceitful above all things.


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This is not how love works, not how science works, and not how the English language works. See me after class.


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Aaand some of the chances we did take. And eating the whole burrito.


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Anything? ANYTHING!? Can we take that down a notch?

What bad advice have you seen on Pinterest lately?